Comments on: How can I get my father & step mother to respect my wishes for my children & home?

By: RAM

RAM — Wed, 26 May 2010 21:59:00 +0000

What you seem to have going on is non-recognition of your place in the adult world which you stepped into 31/2 years ago the second you gave birth. Rules of the home apply to all who wish to enter the home. You are going to have to be assertive and take charge of your home. Dad needs to recognize that in his home he expected those there to follow his rules and the same funnels downward and now applies equally in your home. You have your own home, this makes you the ruler of the roost, you merely have make claim to your crown. Try and do it kindly if allowed to but bottom line kind or not you must make all concerned aware of the fact a new Queen is born.

By: elle

elle — Sun, 23 May 2010 13:36:20 +0000

tell them tht they really need u respect ur wishes or they cant come over

By: Jewels

Jewels — Sat, 22 May 2010 23:07:43 +0000

I am not a parent yet but one day I will be and i fear that day because of my dad. Respect is the last thing on his mind. HOwever this is something i have observed being an aunt of 4 1/2. My father is a much better grandfather then father. As it was the same with my grandfather. YOu have to weigh the pros and cons….you have to decide if what your parents are doing or saying will actually negitively effect your child…Are they good granparents or are they bad? ITs more of the respect thing towards YOU. not really applying to your children. As its not right for your parents not to respect you its also not fair to not allow your kids to see there granparents when its really not hurting THEM any what they are doing. Your dad does have a point you did turn ok so if your children are exposed to something that are perfectly in the way you want things every once in a while its really not going to hurt them. HOwever if it effects there behavior or its a health issue as in abuse or something then yes you need to step in…I jut believe you might want to pick your battles carefully and make sure that you don’t end up punishing your KIDS for the way your parents are treating YOU. The shoes off in the house is something i can completely understand and i do believe they should listen however if they don’t do it automatically then just remind them…if they dont’ listen THEN its time to ask them to leave because it can effect your kids behavior and health wise. As for the other stuff…look at them nicely and say “ok” and go on doing your own thing. People are going to critize especially in families thats a given you just have to pick your battles carefully and make sure you are punishing the right people for the right “crimes”.

By: Chell927

Chell927 — Thu, 20 May 2010 15:56:31 +0000

My mother has the no shoe rule too, and what she did was go to Ikea and buy a hand-full of their inexpensive slippers (like 1.50 each pair) and had them at the door for people to use in her home that way they ‘feel at home’. As for everything else it sounds like these men are a bit old-fashioned and need to respect YOUR rules in YOUR house. Just tell them “I respect your rules in your home, so please respect my rules while your here.” If they don’t like it then they don’t have to come over.

By: dillinger

dillinger — Tue, 18 May 2010 15:46:25 +0000

ask God to guide you to help you find away, it says in his word ask and you will be given and seek and you will find. approach them in a manner of love and respect to show them that you love them, and then in return you want them to respect you for the love that you have for your children. if you give some one love and kindness then in return you will receive the same maybe if not now but later. give God a chance to lead you to the right direction to take. sometimes it takes love to receive love, and find what is most important in your life. i have written a book on of poems on how other people love one another and how to we can show our nation that we love the ones who give there life for us to become free. it is called love fore all mankind songs and poems and it is own amazon .com i really hope you find you answer in God.

By: helpful2u

helpful2u — Tue, 18 May 2010 02:00:34 +0000

Parents are exempt from all rules.
You may beg and plead, but your best bet is to just exempt them, and only them, from your rules.
They know they raised you without all the knowledge available today, so it seems to them all these new rules and precautions are silly.
When I grew up, we didn’t wear seat belts, our school playgrounds were built on top of cement, we swam while it was raining – yet we all managed to survive. This is probably how your dad and step-mom feel.
I truly doubt you will be able to change their views. It is more important that you all get along and share good times with each other. Power struggles = stress and regrets.
Loosen up, you sound like a good parent. It’s your call. How will you feel about your choices 10 years from now?

By: ruby

ruby — Sat, 15 May 2010 23:58:17 +0000

Have the “kids” buy them cool slippers to wear at your home and have them ready each time they come. Do not share so much of your ideas with them. They can’t comment on what they don’t know about. Be greatful that you have an older generation of relatives that visit and care about you in their own way. Children have to learn to accept other people and ways of life, so consider it a safe learning experience for them, sit back, chill out and let the Grandparents be their annoying selves.

By: miss.mongoose

miss.mongoose — Thu, 13 May 2010 22:56:33 +0000

You need to lay down the law in your home, and do it now. Your oldest is only 3 – this will go on until he’s 33, or as long as they’re alive, if you don’t stop it now. It won’t get any easier to handle.

Have a sit-down talk with them and tell them how you feel. Listen to their input and then, again, tell them your rules. They must understand that if they don’t respect them, then they won’t be allowed to take your son or visit your home.

Then follow through. The next time they show up and refuse to take off their shoes, get your children and join them on the porch, but do NOT let them in your house (unless the weather is bad, then simply stand there and make them remove their shoes.) You may feel like you’re babysitting them, and you are, but hey. They’ll get tired of that eventually and start doing it on their own. If they don’t, they’re being downright rude and spiteful, and you have every right to refuse them entry to your home.

If they try to give you the run-around about taking your son, don’t allow them the privilige. You may be a tad over-reactive, but they are being rude and it’s not too much to ask that you know exactly where your child is at all times. Anything less would make you an irresponsible parent.

But trust me about stopping it now. It will only get worse, especially when your children are old enough to, say, take advantage of the situation, which they will, at least until they learn who’s boss. That should be you.

By: tetlitea

tetlitea — Tue, 11 May 2010 05:12:55 +0000

You need to really sit with them and tell them that it bothers you that they don’t respect your home or your judgment. Tell your father that his laughing at you hurts your feelings. As far as your home goes it’s just that YOUR home. My father does not like taking his shoes off either and my sister in law wants it that way. The compromise? My father has a pair of slippers at her house that he wears or he wears the hospital shoe protectors at her house. End of story.

Your parents should not have disrespected you by wanting to take your child out and not telling you what they intended on doing. Now granted you really never can know what they are going to do and you know that they would never harm their grandchild but that does not make their actions correct. It’s YOUR child.

They must be told that they need to respect you as they would respect any other adult. Period. Sometimes parents have a hard time seeing their own children as grown.

By: jhg

jhg — Sun, 09 May 2010 07:38:20 +0000

Sit down with you mom and dad and tell them that you respect their opinion and you are very grateful for the upbringing that they gave you. Just as you respect them for being your parents and you respect how they raised you, you would like to ask them to respect the way you are bringing up your children and the rules that you have for your house and your kids.

Let them know that if they are unable to respect your wishes with your kids even to the small things like informing you where they are taking your son then they will have to be uninvited to get those special grandma and grandpa times. Make sure they know that you don’t think they are bad grandparents, quite the opposite they are awesome, but as their mother and the one that is the one that needs to make the decisions they need to respect your wishes and your rules.

They may not even realize that the shoes are an issue. Have you actually mentioned it straight forward before? If not just ask them to please take off their shoes.

As hard as it may be to set guildlines and bounderies with your parents it needs to be done! You are no longer a child, you are an adult and if it is said with truth and love and no disrespect it is o.k. to speak in such a way with them.