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How can I get my father & step mother to respect my wishes for my children & home?
Author: admin2 Mar
 I have a pointer upon my doorway to greatfully take off your boots prior to entering my home. we have an included in a mailing porch with a curtain which we opening & a runner to put your boots on. They NEVER take their boots off! we have a baby we put upon a building to play, as well as I’ve not long ago outlayed a lot of income have my runner & seat professionally cleaned! we additionally feel as if there is no apply oneself in regards to a approach we am raising my 3 1/2 year aged as well as 3 month old. My father essentially laughs during me since we investigate a saftey of products ie… automobile seats, beds, etc, as well as make use of certain parenting as well as not regulating tainted denunciation around them or even only difference we do not feel have been appropriate. He says, me as well as my siblings incited out only fine, so we contingency only be over protective. They even went so distant to prepare to do something special with him, though would not discuss it me what until they got here to collect him up. They took him 2 hours away. we feel they did which for fright we wouldn’t let him go. There is so most more, that’s only some. |
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49 Responses for "How can I get my father & step mother to respect my wishes for my children & home?"
tell them you hate them and stomp off and slam the door.
tell them to take them off or they cant come in.
It’s your home and your children. You need to excercise some authority. I wouldn’t let anyone take my child if I didn’t know where they were going. And as far as researching things, that’s none of their business anyway. As far as your house goes, it’s up to you. Just tell them to take off their shoes or they aren’t welcome.
Ok my opinion is two-sided. Yes I think that you’re being a bit over-protective and obsessive compulsive. However it is your house and they need to respect the rules in your house. Let them know that if they can’t do that then they can’t come over. I know it sounds harsh but they can easily respect your wishes and you all can live in harmony. They also need to let you know where they’re taking your son as well for safety reasons anyway.
You need to step in as a parental role and say “look, this is how I choose to raise my child. If you can’t respect that then unfortunately I will have to only allow your visits to be supervised here in the house.” And if they have any respect for you and your children/family they will oblige you as I’m sure they want to continue to be great grandparents in their grand childrens lives.
p.s. I think youre a great parent if you research toys and care enough to keep your house clean for them!
Be serious, yell. I understand, my parents were the exact same when they were having my little brother. Always very anal about shoes in the house. At first I wasn’t too good about it, but then you get used to it. If your parents can’t respect you, then don’t let them over. They need to get it.
Don’t let them in the house!
When you respect that not everyone will be on the same page as you.
Encase your children and home in a bubble. Everyone will get the message.
I can understand about the carpet, sure you want a clean home, but the other stuff is just petty, they are the grand-parents, HELLO, if you don’t want them to see them just tell them, I’m sure they will understand.
be firm, don’t back off. If they want to spend time with their grandchildren they’ll eventually respect your wishes. good luck.
Let them know that while you appreciate their input about your parenting skill, (whether you do or not), it’s YOUR family and YOUR home. If they can’t respect that, then they need to leave.
Also, if they say they didn’t do all those parenting things and you and your siblings turned out alright, agree with them, and let them know that you’ve turned into a great (if protective) mother to your children and they should respect your wishes as such. Good luck!! =)
You need to tell them that if they are not going to respect you and your rules, then the time in which they get to see their grandchild will be extremely limited. You need to also tell them that they are not allowed to take your child anywhere without telling you where they are going and if they deceive you about where they are going, they are not going to be allowed to take him again. You need to be firm and tell them you mean business. If they cannot respect you in the little things, you cannot expect them to respect you when it is something of great importance.
tell them that they aren’t welcome in your house unless they follow your rules. they are your children not theirs, so you can do what you want wih them. it is okay to research the safety of your furniture. it shows that you care about what happens to your children. you are a good parent. don’t worry what they say
You can’t make them RESPECT your wishes– but you can make them obey them. Stop them at the door and ask that they take their shoes off. If they dont, then sya, “oh! You forgot your shoes and I just vaccumed. I’ll put them by the door for you.”
He’s not going to change HIS feelings so dont let them bother you. Do your research how you want, raise them how you want, and dont let them walk all over you. Just put your foot down, and when they’re in your home, its your rules.
If it was your husband, its one thing– then you’d have to find compromise– but as parents, you’re not required to follow anything they want or expect– you’re an adult.
don’t answer the door when they come-a-calling!
then call your father and explain to him that you are the children’s parent and if he cannot accept the way you are raising them, then perhaps he shouldn’t come around! GOOD LUCK
I’ve been married almost 30 years and my mother-in-law had the to tell me last year that she really didn’t care for me!!!! (and she said it in MY home, i just smiled at her and said…well…if you want to get into this….. (and i told her some things,,,, in a nice way) my husband was laughing his @SS off because he knows how his mother is) anyway… let them know that you are the boss of what goes on in your home!!!!
I think your being a little over pretective and paranoid,but if that is your wishes and how you want your house then you need to tell them to respect that and just sit down with them and tell them , and if they dont like it then they do not need to be in the house. It would help to cut down on germs on the floor and bacteria. But dont be to paranoid you dont want your kids to freak out about every little germ.
Tell them you lived in their house by their rules and when they come over they should respect your rules!!
change the sign on the door to say
“Please remove your shoes, violators will be asked to leave”
Then enforce it.
Nice to know someone is in the same shoes as I am… first of all, the first thing I did, was make clear that they are NOT the boss over you anymore, yes they may have been when YOU were a child, but not anymore. Secondly, YOU are the boss of YOUR children, NOT anyone else… you need to give them the ultimatum that its your children, and your life, if you ask something of them, than they are to respect your wishes or ELSE, meaning circumstances like you will not be able to see your grandchildren…don’t let anyone question your parenting, you know whats right for you and your children, they dont! good luck!
u know that its ur home right. give them an ultimatunm and follow thru.
Be polite, but don’t let them in the house with their shoes on. Stand up, grow as spine and tell them that if they are to be welcomed in your home, they must follow YOUR rules.
If they can’t do that, then tell them you’d be happy to have a picnic at the park with them.
If they criticize you over raising your children and they are that disrespectful to you, do you really want these people around you at all??
They sound like a couple of grade A a**holes.
That is your home, you make the rules and you are not a child nomore. Please tell them when they come over you would appriciate it if they took off their shoes in your house, if they get mad, oh well, they either do it, or not come over. What could they possiably do to you, put you on restriction?
You have to let them know that the rules are for everyone.
You know, since you own the place you can just tell them to leave.
Have you considered the possibility that you are in fact quite insane? Chill out just a little.
No matter what way you raise your children, not every one is going to agree. Thats one of the hard things about parenting. But you should be respected about this, it is very serious to some people. I understand… I don’t want my daughter to grow up and believe in santa claus… my decision… I believe in God and want her to believe that too. I got ridiculed for it by my boyfriend’s mom, she said it was a mean thing to do… whatever… Your carpet, I understand that too, I know a lot of people who do that. If they can’t take their shoes off, don’t let them in. If they want in that bad they will take their shoes off. Don’t let anyone take your kids without knowing where they are… I read where it says they told you before they left, but I just wanted to say that.
Tell them that since you are legally responsible for your kids, you need to know where they are and who they are with at all times. Period, end of story. Otherwise they do not walk out the door with either of your children in their arms.
As far as the shoe thing, well, I try to have a shoe-free house but don’t always succeed myself. Have a basket of inexpensive and clean socks by the door, or flip flops/slippers, etc. which have never been worn outside. There are endless letters to Dear Abby on the shoeless subject. But as far as the kids, definitely put your foot down (no pun intended!).
That sounds like you need to sit down and have a talk with them unless you rather leave some hints. You could try doing the same thing at their house, just look through their stuff, make fun of them for wearing a seatbelt, laugh at their pictures, etc. and they will probably get it unless they are really stubborn.
when they come over, make sure you stand in the middle of the entrance and tell them to please take off their shoes.
if they try to pass if off tell them you are serious and to please take them off. stand there until they do.
when you are conversing of products, lables and so forth, tell them that back then they did not have half of the items we do today, and many things need to be looked over before you feel comfortable using them, beside some things have multiple usage and you would like to know what they are.
also, if things were so great back then why are things been made to upsale them, like seat belts and the like.
and I would never have let them take my children unless I knew where they were going ahead of time and it would never have been longer than an hour.
I assume you’ve discussed this with your dad?
Get some of those “cute” shoe covers that all the repair folks are wearing these days when they come in your house and offer them to people that don’t want to remove there shoes. Have slippers for people that may not feel comfortable going shoe less.
If all else fails vacuum behind them.
You might also take a look from your dad’s prospective also. You might just be a bit on the OCD side of childcare.
If I were you I would tell them to mind their own business, plus I would never let someone take my child away without knowledge of their location… As for the research you do it is a little over protective but he will thank you in the future for what your doing. You also got to think of when he gets in school how he is going to be exposed to this stuff so the best thing to do in my opinion is to let him here the words and also let him know how you feel about him saying those words
Look for the book Boundaries
By Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Townsend
Dave Ramsey recommends it highly.
The book says is far better than I can. They have crossed the line.
There are people who are just not comfortable without their shoes on (my dad is one). If he has to take off his shoes, he just won’t come. Unless this is a dealbreaker, don’t insist. Or have your 3 year old say, “Hi, Grampa! We got you some new slippers! Would you put them on?”
Foul language is not okay. Kids pull it out in the most embarrassing places. You don’t want them to hear it even once.
You have the right to approve outings BEFORE they get to the house to pick up your son.
You need to tell him that yes, you may be overprotective, but they’re your kids.
Don’t be ugly with your dad, but stress these items with him. You don’t want to ruin the relationship because the children need their grandpa & granny, and you need your dad. But his opinion is not the important one–they’re your kids and you’ll ask for an opinion when you want one. You need to let him know that it hurts your feelings when he questions how you’re raising the kids. Where’s your husband in all of this? He could help considerably.
TX Mom
not an expert
You need to sit them down and explain to them how you feel. That you feel they are being disrespectful, be sincere when you talk to them. Tell them that you have always respected everything they said and did for them and you feel they are crossing a line. To treat you as an adult, same with the children. That you know they are safe with them but that it is important as a parent to know what is going on. Tell them they are special and very important to the children but why only them do they believe to break the rules. Ask if they do it on purpose. That you do not understand. Be polite, but show how you feel. This should work in a positive manner – I wish you the Best.
There is something called “tough love”. You should have “tough respect”
Firmly tell your parents hat every child and every generation is different. You are the mother and you make the rules for your children in the same way that your parents wanted to and did make the rules for you.
It is confusing when a child gets different signals from those that he loves and respects. Bottom line is that they either obey your rules or they can’t see your children unless you are there to supervise. That is the “tough part”.
First, considering the amount of products that are coming out of China with massive amounts of lead, I see nothing wrong with you’re researching products on line.
Second, it is YOUR house and YOUR family. You spent alot of money on that floor and carpet, if you want them to take their shoes off, then make them. Don’t let them in if they don’t.
Thirdly, I would not let my child go anywhere, not even with my own parents, if I did not know where they were going. These are your children not theirs, it is your business how you raise them not theirs. Alot of what you have describes sounds like their just doing it to get under your skin, so don’t let them. Tell them straight up that if they cannot respect your wishes that they aren’t welcomed. Because your father feels you are being over protective and sees nothing wrong with the way he raised you, you have no idea how is he behaving or what he is saying when you are not around. That could be very confusing for your child. As a child care provider, I can tell you up front the one thing we promote is consistency. Not to mention the stress your family is causing you is something the baby will pick up on. You have two kids, you don’t need anymore drama in your life.Buck up and stand up to them.
I can totally relate to parents not respecting your wishes! Honestly, you cannot force someone to respect you, but you can enforce boundaries.
Depending on the type of relationship you have with your parents, I would suggest a very serious conversation. Making fun of your safety research is annoying, and you could say so… but deceiving you into taking your child 2 hours away is absolutely intolerable. You need to tell them that they may not agree with your parenting choices or decisions, but that you have the same right they did to make those choices, and they need to respect your decisions.
As for the shoes, you need to remind them straight out when they come into your home. If they refuse, you have to ask why it is such a big deal to them. Can you provide them with slippers? (Some people have stinky feet and do not like to take off their shoes in public…) Or get some of those surgical paper booties to slip over their shoes.
I wouldn’t threaten them immediately, but if they don’t respond to your requests, then you may need to restrict their time with your children.
And as for the old “you turned out OK so I must have done something right” line, here’s what I actually said to my alcoholic abusive father who tried that line on me: “Well Dad, some children turn out well BECAUSE of their parents, and some turn out well IN SPITE of their parents. You decide which is which.” Kinda harsh, but true!
Have you tried to sit down and tell them how important it is to you, for them to respect your wishes?
If you have had an open line of communication with them and they still refuse to listen I would either choose to meet them elsewhere on common ground (park to play, lunch date) or not invite them over until they decide to respect you, your children and your home.
If you are not comfortable with what is happening then you really need to let them know.
Tell your father why you want him to take his shoes off and why you do everything that you do. Explain to him that you want the best for your child, and that he should respect your wishes. If your father really understands and cares, he should be respectful. If that doesn’t work, you need to have a serious conversation with him. If really necessary, tell him that he can no longer visit your house if he doesn’t obey the rules, but only if you really feel that he absolutely will not respect you unless you do. If you can, loosen up maybe a few of your rules and tell your father.
Personally, I don’t believe in sheltering kids.
I’m a compulsive cusser. I cuss all the time. Even when I try not to, words slip sometimes.
If your kids hear bad words, tell them that they’re bad and not to repeat them.
As for the no shoes rule, tell your parents that you obeyed their rules when you lived with them and now they have to obey the rules when they come to your house. It’s only courteous.
And for the research of safety products, I can understand that. I’d want my kids to be safe too. But don’t sheild them too much. You have to let them discover the world for themselves. Don’t overly censor them, don’t wrap them in bubblewrap, just let them be kids. And DON’T be afraid to hit them when they’ve done something wrong. I hate it when parents don’t do that. Their kids ALWAYS turn out to be freakin’ brats.
Oh! And the whole ‘abducting your kid’ thing…tell your parents that you have a right to know where your child is going. Next time if they don’t tell you, tell them that the child came from YOUR loins, not theirs; and if they want to spoil a little kid, tell them to make another one themselves.
The best approach is brutal honesty. Any other approach is just a waste of time and will get you no where. Stand firm in your beliefs and don’t back down. Ever.
…though compromising is okay sometimes. o_O
Good for you for being aware of the safety of your children. It’s what any good parent should do!
As far as the shoes off at the door bit, politely ask them to remove their shoes when they come into your home. It is your home, they need to be respectful of your environment. My parents had the same problem with my dad’s mom when finally if she refused to take off her shoes she’d get stuck having to wear those nifty little paper covers over them, they bought them in the ugliest colors they could think of – it was quite funny but she finally got the message and started taking off her shoes.
How you raise your children is entirely up to you. Just like how they raise you kids, it was up to them and so it is only natural that you should have certain values that you want enforced around your children. You are the mother now and they need to be understanding and respectful of that. Sit them both down and explain it to them. Be kind and acknowledge their opinion but let them know that this is how you are going to raise your children – end of story. It may also be worth it to make some sort of agreement with them. If they want to take your children somewhere to spend time with them it’s fantastic but because they are YOUR kids, you feel that it’s important that you know what they are doing and how long they are going to be away.
On the other hand, you also need to perhaps be a little more easy going. I understand that you would be protective of your children but sometimes you have to take that deep breath and say ok, this isn’t going to kill them they will be fine. Kids are kids, if they are going to eat dirt it’ll either be off your kitchen floor or outside in the garden. Some germs arent’ all that bad for your kids, believe it or not in some cases it actually helps build their immune system.
Again, way to be concerned about your kids welfare! I think it’s fantastic, there needs to be more parents like you!
Sit down with you mom and dad and tell them that you respect their opinion and you are very grateful for the upbringing that they gave you. Just as you respect them for being your parents and you respect how they raised you, you would like to ask them to respect the way you are bringing up your children and the rules that you have for your house and your kids.
Let them know that if they are unable to respect your wishes with your kids even to the small things like informing you where they are taking your son then they will have to be uninvited to get those special grandma and grandpa times. Make sure they know that you don’t think they are bad grandparents, quite the opposite they are awesome, but as their mother and the one that is the one that needs to make the decisions they need to respect your wishes and your rules.
They may not even realize that the shoes are an issue. Have you actually mentioned it straight forward before? If not just ask them to please take off their shoes.
As hard as it may be to set guildlines and bounderies with your parents it needs to be done! You are no longer a child, you are an adult and if it is said with truth and love and no disrespect it is o.k. to speak in such a way with them.
You need to really sit with them and tell them that it bothers you that they don’t respect your home or your judgment. Tell your father that his laughing at you hurts your feelings. As far as your home goes it’s just that YOUR home. My father does not like taking his shoes off either and my sister in law wants it that way. The compromise? My father has a pair of slippers at her house that he wears or he wears the hospital shoe protectors at her house. End of story.
Your parents should not have disrespected you by wanting to take your child out and not telling you what they intended on doing. Now granted you really never can know what they are going to do and you know that they would never harm their grandchild but that does not make their actions correct. It’s YOUR child.
They must be told that they need to respect you as they would respect any other adult. Period. Sometimes parents have a hard time seeing their own children as grown.
You need to lay down the law in your home, and do it now. Your oldest is only 3 – this will go on until he’s 33, or as long as they’re alive, if you don’t stop it now. It won’t get any easier to handle.
Have a sit-down talk with them and tell them how you feel. Listen to their input and then, again, tell them your rules. They must understand that if they don’t respect them, then they won’t be allowed to take your son or visit your home.
Then follow through. The next time they show up and refuse to take off their shoes, get your children and join them on the porch, but do NOT let them in your house (unless the weather is bad, then simply stand there and make them remove their shoes.) You may feel like you’re babysitting them, and you are, but hey. They’ll get tired of that eventually and start doing it on their own. If they don’t, they’re being downright rude and spiteful, and you have every right to refuse them entry to your home.
If they try to give you the run-around about taking your son, don’t allow them the privilige. You may be a tad over-reactive, but they are being rude and it’s not too much to ask that you know exactly where your child is at all times. Anything less would make you an irresponsible parent.
But trust me about stopping it now. It will only get worse, especially when your children are old enough to, say, take advantage of the situation, which they will, at least until they learn who’s boss. That should be you.
Have the “kids” buy them cool slippers to wear at your home and have them ready each time they come. Do not share so much of your ideas with them. They can’t comment on what they don’t know about. Be greatful that you have an older generation of relatives that visit and care about you in their own way. Children have to learn to accept other people and ways of life, so consider it a safe learning experience for them, sit back, chill out and let the Grandparents be their annoying selves.
Parents are exempt from all rules.
You may beg and plead, but your best bet is to just exempt them, and only them, from your rules.
They know they raised you without all the knowledge available today, so it seems to them all these new rules and precautions are silly.
When I grew up, we didn’t wear seat belts, our school playgrounds were built on top of cement, we swam while it was raining – yet we all managed to survive. This is probably how your dad and step-mom feel.
I truly doubt you will be able to change their views. It is more important that you all get along and share good times with each other. Power struggles = stress and regrets.
Loosen up, you sound like a good parent. It’s your call. How will you feel about your choices 10 years from now?
ask God to guide you to help you find away, it says in his word ask and you will be given and seek and you will find. approach them in a manner of love and respect to show them that you love them, and then in return you want them to respect you for the love that you have for your children. if you give some one love and kindness then in return you will receive the same maybe if not now but later. give God a chance to lead you to the right direction to take. sometimes it takes love to receive love, and find what is most important in your life. i have written a book on of poems on how other people love one another and how to we can show our nation that we love the ones who give there life for us to become free. it is called love fore all mankind songs and poems and it is own amazon .com i really hope you find you answer in God.
My mother has the no shoe rule too, and what she did was go to Ikea and buy a hand-full of their inexpensive slippers (like 1.50 each pair) and had them at the door for people to use in her home that way they ‘feel at home’. As for everything else it sounds like these men are a bit old-fashioned and need to respect YOUR rules in YOUR house. Just tell them “I respect your rules in your home, so please respect my rules while your here.” If they don’t like it then they don’t have to come over.
I am not a parent yet but one day I will be and i fear that day because of my dad. Respect is the last thing on his mind. HOwever this is something i have observed being an aunt of 4 1/2. My father is a much better grandfather then father. As it was the same with my grandfather. YOu have to weigh the pros and cons….you have to decide if what your parents are doing or saying will actually negitively effect your child…Are they good granparents or are they bad? ITs more of the respect thing towards YOU. not really applying to your children. As its not right for your parents not to respect you its also not fair to not allow your kids to see there granparents when its really not hurting THEM any what they are doing. Your dad does have a point you did turn ok so if your children are exposed to something that are perfectly in the way you want things every once in a while its really not going to hurt them. HOwever if it effects there behavior or its a health issue as in abuse or something then yes you need to step in…I jut believe you might want to pick your battles carefully and make sure that you don’t end up punishing your KIDS for the way your parents are treating YOU. The shoes off in the house is something i can completely understand and i do believe they should listen however if they don’t do it automatically then just remind them…if they dont’ listen THEN its time to ask them to leave because it can effect your kids behavior and health wise. As for the other stuff…look at them nicely and say “ok” and go on doing your own thing. People are going to critize especially in families thats a given you just have to pick your battles carefully and make sure you are punishing the right people for the right “crimes”.
tell them tht they really need u respect ur wishes or they cant come over
What you seem to have going on is non-recognition of your place in the adult world which you stepped into 31/2 years ago the second you gave birth. Rules of the home apply to all who wish to enter the home. You are going to have to be assertive and take charge of your home. Dad needs to recognize that in his home he expected those there to follow his rules and the same funnels downward and now applies equally in your home. You have your own home, this makes you the ruler of the roost, you merely have make claim to your crown. Try and do it kindly if allowed to but bottom line kind or not you must make all concerned aware of the fact a new Queen is born.
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